Bluelarker's Blog

	Sign In Sign-Up

Bluelarker's Blog

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blog of my life

Saturday, July 14, 2001

Saturday

Woke up, went to piano lessons, went home, went to Allison's birthday get together. Fun day, but would have been nicer with more sleep :P. Ah well. No time to sleep in tomorrow either... ::sigh::
~Blue

posted by Blue Larker 7/14/2001 11:45:40 PM
. . .

Friday, July 13, 2001

eh...

No summer school today. As such, I woke up around 9:30 to get ready to play tennis with Allyson around 10:00. It was fun. We got to catch up on stuff and she gave me Senior pic advice as she had already taken hers. Tennis was fun too. I still need practice though -_-; But we got some good rallys going toward the end.
Afterwards I went home, ate decent food for once (my dad brought some McDonald's home for lunch...well...semi-decent), napped (I do that a lot these days), and got ready to go to my friend Dottie's house for a little dinner get together. Dottie's dad and my dad are friends so we do that every once in awhile. Auntie Shou Zhang (not actual aunt, just more like title) was there too...she's sort of a friend of the dads also. I don't know her that well and I don't think she likes me much, but I guess she's okay. She seems to really like my brother though...hmm.
So we ate there, and afterward my brother and I played a bit of tennis with Dottie. But then we played too long and Dottie missed her youth group gathering because she thought it would end at 10 instead of nine. Ah well. She seemed kind of sad over that, but the ppl were still there so we hung around and talked to some of them. I also recognized one of them from JSA convention, which was...interesting... I dunno. It's always weird to meet JSA people in real life...it's just...weird. So then we went back to her house and played a bit of Risk. heh. Then it was back home. So that's pretty much all that happened. I'm also thinking of changing my weblog to phrasewise.com since I sort of like their format better. We'll see.
~Blue

posted by Blue Larker 7/13/2001 11:42:11 PM
. . .

Thursday, July 12, 2001

Lazy Day!

Government class was cancelled today!!!!!! ^_^ heh. But I couldn't leave because my carpool still had classes and we didn't have a ride so I just hung out around the school. Florence told me about her adventures that morning finding the right classroom (hee hee) and then I went over to the library (found out it wouldn't open for another hour and a half) and talked to Elly in the office. Since we were just sitting there, I guess, a bunch of people came up to us and asked us questions (can you help me with the copier? where's the office? do you have change?) and we tried to help them out a bit. Someone had jammed something into the coin slot of the photocopier, so we couldn't do much about that though. Then class was over and we went to the bookstore. Ernest got a labtop for Sean (Sean's paying him back later) since it was a demo model and they sold it off pretty cheap. Then I went home and had a wonderful, four hour nap :-P. That probably isn't healthy, but it feels reeeeaaaalllllyyyy good. Ah well. Then I woke up around 4:30, watched some tv, ate, etc, etc. Not much going on. My cousins were over, but they mainly played N64 upstairs so I didn't see them much. Right now I'm kind of stressing about Senior Pictures (i'm taking mine on August 1st) so i'm asking around for advice about that stuff. Also, Allyson and I are going to play tennis tomorrow! ^_^ Hopefully my wrist will have healed up by then. It still hurts right now...
~Blue

posted by Blue Larker 7/12/2001 09:20:10 PM
. . .

Wednesday, July 11, 2001

Pretty Good Day

Day started out okay. Went to gov, as usual. We saw a video on the First Amendment, which was interesting and better than 2 straight hours of lecture. Then class was over and Jeff, Florence, Elly and I walked around school like yesterday. Then we got in a nice group and had fun insulting each other. Afterward, I found out my carpool wasn't coming for another hour, so we waked Elly and Everett to their government class and then talked for a bit. Then I went over to the gym and played badminton a little. ^_^ Really fun, but I'm really out of shape...after about 15 minutes my legs were slightly aching, though that went away. However, my wrist is still hurting and I can't twist my shoulder a certain way without pain. Ah well...i'm probably not going to do that again for awhile...
Then I went home, ate, took a 30 minute nap, then was off again to Walgreens. A bunch of us were meeting at Walgreens for the Jenny Lin Youth Concert to pass out sponsor folders. Since the foundation is nonprofit, we go around to local businesses to ask for donations (either money to the foundation or goods/certificates for the raffle) to keep it going. Turned out that they didn't need that many of us there, so Ernest and I were just assigned to go over to Starbucks. We talked to the person in charge and gave them one of our nice, blue sponsor folders, and they said they'd get back to us as soon as possible, but that it would probably have to take about a month because they had to mail that stuff up to Seattle -_-; Ah well. Then Ernest tried to buy a frappiccino, but forgot his wallet. After digging through my backpack, I only came up with $1.79, which wasn't enough for anything, so we just sat there until we got a ride home. So then I went home, ate some more, took a 1 hour nap, and then was off to Jenny Lin Concert Rehersal. ::sigh:: We *REALLY* need a lot of work. But Florence was there today and it was a pretty good rehersal. Also, today my dad was there taking pictures for the foundation. heh...it was...interesting. Ah, but the actual GOOD part of my day was getting the mail (which I got before I left for rehersal). First, I got my AP scores, which I was really nervous about. I did well, which made me feel good, but with the mail also came my AI movie premier poster! Okay, so maybe that isn't something to get too excited about, but I liked it. Maybe it had to do with all the waiting more though. Anyway, when I got back from rehersal, I took the poster out and showed it to my dad and such. He saw a werid watermark on it, and then showed it to me. After that first time, though, he couldn't see the watermark anymore, and he was kind of perturbed by that...it was like, where'd the watermark go? Well, you had to have been there...it was amusing.
So anyway, after the rehersal, I rushed home because I was suppose to be tutoring someone at 7. He didn't show up though -_-;;;; Grrrr...second time in a row that's happened...I tried calling his house twice but no one answered...if he forgot again.....::insert threatening remarks::
So...then I got online, etc,etc...made a really waaaayyy too long and boring weblog without a point, etc, etc. But, yeah...writing's been fun. Now, time for sleep. Maybe.
~Blue

posted by Blue Larker 7/11/2001 10:23:58 PM
. . .

Tuesday, July 10, 2001

Cool not much happened today. School, went home and slept, etc etc. Taught my brother how to gift-wrap boxes properly and helped him with some algebra. Good day. Day with lots of sleep. Good day...except for the fact I got poked in the eye by a piece of paper while trying to teach algebra....ooooouuuuuccccchhhh
~Blue

posted by Blue Larker 7/10/2001 11:58:56 PM
. . .

Monday, July 09, 2001

Grandpa's funeral has been set for the 22nd of July, 2001. I probably won't be going back. There's a tiny chance I might be, but 1) round trip airfare is $1,845 a person for the cheap tickets and 2) i'd only be there for 6 days if I went. We're going to call my grandmother and see what she thinks of all this too.
This morning I went to my government class, as usual, and spent the afternoon at a JLConcert rehersal. In between I napped and had a microwaved can of clam chowder. Summer days are weird. I wish my brother would get out of the house more though. He's spending all his time playing StarCraft on the computer. It's disconcerting to see him there from morning till night and furthermore, he's hogging our internet line. Had to kick him off so that I could come online to "research" for my homework. Well, he was already on for the whole day...i felt I deserved a turn. Ah well. I have a gov test tomorrow, so i'd better study for it.
~Blue

posted by Blue Larker 7/9/2001 09:41:08 PM
. . .

Sunday, July 08, 2001

Lotsa Happenings

Whew, as opposed to my last entry, the last two days have been filled with...well, not too much doings, but at least a lot of news. When I woke up on Saturday, July 7th, the first thing I found out was that my grandpa on my mom's side had died mere hours earlier. He had been in a coma for a few months now, and had had several crisis during those months, but I still kinda hoped he would get out of it. He seemed to get slightly better. Earlier, everyone was in a panic because his breathing tube suddenly collapsed or something and the hospital he was at wasn't equipped to put it back in, but then suddenly he could breathe without it. I guess after that, I thought that maybe he would make a recovery somehow. Ah well. They say that his heart just suddenly stopped. My dad's a bit superstitious because July 7th on the luner calender is a special holiday and he had heard of two other people that died on the other holidays. However, my mom says that since there are about two holidays each month, chances are whenever one goes, a holiday will be nearby. Then the two of them went into a discussion about death and ghost and other Chinese superstitions. It was kind of creepy, but I had already gone though much of that when my grandma (on my father's side) passed away my freshman year. Anyway, my mom will be flying back to Taiwan to pay last respects to my grandpa. She asked me if I wanted to go to the funeral that morning also. I dunno. I guess i'd like to go. He was a good grandpa and spent a lot of time with me. He also didn't show any of the preferance for boy-grandchildern that some of my other grandparents show slightly. I don't know. Going to Taiwan would cost a lot and I don't think I'd be comfortable going to a Buddhist funeral again as I'm pretty sure this will be. My grandma's funeral (in San Francisco) was a Buddhist one. She looked different in the makeup and powder and it took me a long time to get the smell of the funeral out. It wasn't a really death smell or anything...it was sort of like powder...strong, but not implicating decay. Anyway, I'd think I'd like to go, but still probably won't. There's the matter of cost, religion, plus that fact that I'm in summer school and if I leave, I'll have to drop the class. I would have been nice to see him one last time, though. Also, my friend just called. Here in San Francisco, RENT is closing on the 15th. We got tickets, but would it be disrespectful if I went to see the show on the day of his funeral? Especially if I don't even put the effort to try to go to Taiwan to see him? We don't know when the funeral will be yet. My mom says it'll be in the next 10 days, and since my mom'll probably be going on the Thursday flight there, chances are pretty big that the funeral will be on the Sunday. Would it be dumb not to go just because it's the day of the funeral? Or would it be mean to be having fun and being in a loud, roucous place on a day that should be quiet and contemplative? I wonder how my granpa is doing. He had a stroke decades ago which paralyzed his entire right side, and I've always known him as being in a wheelchair or sometimes leaning on the cane, always having trouble moving around and talking. Yet, his mind was always there and he managed to keep wherever he was spick and span. He was really a stickler on cleanliness. He hated dirty things and sometimes made loud noises pointing out really gross, dusty corners or particularly large bugs. He was pretty thin the last time he came here, but still seemed okay. He was just a tiny bit weaker, but that should have come with the thinness. It's sad when old people die. Then you realized how much time is changing, always moving, how it waits for no one. When people are there for a long time, you begin to think that they'll last forever, that they'll always be there for you, but they're not. They havne't always been there and they won't always be there, and it only seems like it because you're only looking at this tiny little space so it seems like time stands still, but it's always moving. The other day, I saw some pictures of my grandma (father's side) when she was holding me when I was a baby. I saw and realized how much older she looked right before she died, and even years before that compared to when I was just born. So it turned out that she was always getting older, and I never realized it. Just, right before, it seemed like she suddenly got very old whereas she was just medium old all the time before. I dunno. The more I think about it, the more I cry, so maybe it's best not to think. I don't cry when I don't think, but just memories and talking can suddenly make me start. Maybe i'm just sentimental like that. I can't control my tears, except when I control my thoughts. But if i start thinking sad things, it becomes easier and easier to think of them. But I have to start or else I'd be holding it all in or be thought of as completely heartless. I don't like crying in public. I don't like people saying "Are you okay" in front of everyone else. I like e-mail, im, or personal one on one confrontations, but only with certain people. Certain people I will never like crying in front of, which is why I don't say things. Why I put everything on this log, and maybe why I haven't told anyone about this log yet. But there are some people I'd like some comfort from. Just a "Hope you're okay" or "Sorry about your granpa", but no questions, and no annoying looks of pity. I hate it when people purposely affect a look of pity because they think they should show one and want to make it *obvious* that they pity. I dislike affectations. Maybe that's partially because I have to fake my emotions sometimes. When I was in elementary and beginning of middle school, I never did that. I also didn't have many friends. I thought that that was probably because the people around me didn't know what I was feeling, couldn't tell what I meant because they seemed to take everything I did and said the wrong way. That's when I started working hard, forcing my emotions to show so that people could tell what I felt. I dunno. I don't think I force it anymore...facial changes seem to come more naturally now, but maybe underneath I'm still forcing. I can't tell anymore. Nathanial Hawthorne once said something like "No man can show one face to himself and another to the rest of the world and not soon begin to wonder which is his real face." I'm sure I didn't get that right or spell his name right, but that's kind of the gist of it. Yeah, so it's hard for me to tell what I'm feeling anymore. I can get happiness and saddness, but in-between is all sort of weird. At least people seem to be able to tell what I'm trying to convey more now. Don't know if it's because I've become better at communicating or because they've gotten either more discerning or accepting. ::sigh:: This has been one really long entry and has gotten off topic, so i'll just tell about the rest of my day and leave it at that. This was a good day too, and it's too bad it has to end sadly.
Well, first, Saturday, didn't do much. Found out about my grandpa, then went to piano lessons. Rest of the day kinda disappeared. Sunday morning I had my first driving lesson! It was absolutely wonderful. It was just...really fun. I don't think I'll make a good driver, though. I enjoy the movement waaayy too much and get easily distracted. I don't know why, but I kind of got caught in a fit of giggles...the whole thing just felt really funny. I mean, me, driving. I guess that all goes back to time passing w/out you realizing it, though. But, yeah...it was great. We just circled the parking lot a few dozen times (heh) and I tried to park every once in a while (gotta remember to look over my shoulder before backing out) and...well, it was just great. Good thing there weren't any cars there, though. My dad made me pretend there were cars in all the empty spaces and on quite a few turns, I ran through a couple of those lines, "crashing" into about 4 or 5 of those imaginary cars at a time. o_O So...yeah...warning to all my friends out there, I probably won't be that safe of a driver...at least I won't be able to carry anyone for the first 6 months...that should give me time to calm down. Then, my dad went to get air pumped into his tires (they were flat) and we went to the hairdresser's. I don't really like my haircut, but ah well. Tis life. Then I went home, the person I was suppose to tutor didn't show up and called 1 hour late asking if we could change the time to wednesday -_-; Arrg. He does that a lot. Two weeks ago he "forgot" to show up...he's pulled that a few times too. Don't know what to do with him though. Ah well. So then, dinner, some tv, etc, etc. Spent time with parents. Got the call about RENT. Decided to update my log and talked myself into a funk. Actually, I'm feeling a bit better now. It's weird how my emotions totally depend on what I am thinking about. Even if I suddenly decide to think in depth about sad things that happened to me back in elementary school, I sometimes start crying. I don't know if this is weakenss, weirdness, or humaness, but it gets to me. Thus, my dislike of public crying. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that the people I cried around back in elementary school were less than caring and thought be stupid and weak. I've got to save that rant for another day before I talk myself back into another funk, so here's me going away after a very long, very chaotic and somewhat screwed up entry.
~Blue

posted by Blue Larker 7/8/2001 11:49:32 PM
. . .

HOME

ARCHIVE

TODAY'S ENTRY

. . .